he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
