i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
