turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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