I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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