i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
