i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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