So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
