Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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