Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
