bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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