woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize