And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
