I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I will pee on everything he values.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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