he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
