respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
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