Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
