If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize