Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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