why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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