Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
