Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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