halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
