just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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