Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize