She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
