Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
