If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
