Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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