the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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