just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
