you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
