after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
