Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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