Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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