Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
