dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
