Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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