It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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