Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
