I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
