i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
