why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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