I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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