Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
