whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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