I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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