I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
