So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
