I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
