WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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