There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
