Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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