So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
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Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All the doctor said was why
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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