Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
