I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
