the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
