Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
