i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
