hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
