It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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