She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
