God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
