So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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