he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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