Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
