He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
