I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
