Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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