I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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