Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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