There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
