We're facebook friends in real life
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
