so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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