If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
