then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
